In many Asian cultures, when a couple decides to get married, some traditional families go to a “marriage or relationship counselor”, who reads your astrological birth charts to see if you’re a match.
There are some practitioners that also look at the characters of your name. They get a feeling of the character through it’s meaning and they count how many strokes your name has. Then they check your partner’s name and do an analysis to see if you’re compatible. Others just look at the birth dates and can make an assessment.
These “psychics” or whatever you want to call them, have an uncanny way of knowing if the relationship will flourish or end up in shambles. Do I believe these practices? Well, actually, I do believe that some people have the gift to read people’s charts with great accuracy. Sometimes, we just can’t explain these things in this world. I tend to believe that there are those who are born to do this job. Yet, I also believe that not all of them are legitimate. Like in all professions, you need to find a good one.
Once a while I get a call for a feng shui consultation because a couple is having marital problems. It’s usually the wife who wants to see if things can be improved with feng shui.
I applaud them for calling. Why? Because this means that they want to work on the relationship. This also means that they acknowledge that something is not quite right and they want to fix it. That’s a great start.
But then, sometimes it just doesn’t work out for me.
“I need a feng shui consultation because my husband and I are just not getting along.”
“I’d be happy to do a consultation for you and your husband. I like to have both husband and wife there together, so we can discuss and work through the issues that you’re having and see if the house is contributing to the imbalance.”
“Oh, no” she said. “He doesn’t believe in feng shui. He won’t join us. I just need you to come and fix it. Aren’t you going to bring some things to fix it for me?”
“Having your husband there is always a good thing. I’ve had many husbands who’ve thanked me because although they were very skeptical about feng shui, form school made sense to them.”
I wasn’t quite sure what she wanted. So, then I pressed a little harder.
“What do you mean by ‘bring things to fix it?’”
“Oh you know, like candles or incense or something I can put it in my house to fix the problem. Don’t you bring something so I can fix my relationship?”
“I’m sorry, that’s not the feng shui I practice. Relationships are between two people. I don’t think you can put something in a room and expect it to “cure” or fix your relationship issues.”
She was not happy to hear that. “Oh, you don’t bring anything to put in my house? You can’t fix it?”
“No, that’s not how it works.” So, she canceled the appointment.
Feng shui is not magic. It’s not so simple and straightforward like this woman believed it to be. I think she must have read a book or two that said, you can resolve relationship issues by placing gadgets in your house. That’s just not reality. It’s a false promise. If it was that easy, I would think we’d have no relationship problems today.
Yet, the truth is, in the U.S. the divorce rate is high. Some say 10%. Others say 40%. But, there are many that don’t marry in the first place. All I can say is, relationships take two people to contribute to make it work.
How does feng shui help? It’s a tool to help you create a more conducive environment for better relationships. It’s to help you understand and respect what’s important to you and your partner. Then you can create that space.
Living with others is complicated. We’re all different people with different habits, thoughts, and values. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but no object can instantly fix a relationship as she wished. You need to have the desire to create the relationship you want. As Dr. Hsu always says, you need an open heart and an open mind.